
Tag: orthodoxy
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I remember the exquisite stillness of The Liberties in April of 2020. I remember the plaintive beauty of birdsong. Gone were the tram and automobile traffic; whining whistle of a car alarm; seagulls yelping overhead; and most of all, human voices through the streets. All we had was glorious, generous, golden warm sun, and quietness.
By the next year, still in the hush mid-pandemic, I really missed the transcendental, ecstatic experience that was a Sunday worship service in my Pentecostal church. Seeking spiritual refreshing, I turned to some favorite worship songs, and found that this intensely emotional music overwhelmed me. I could no longer “connect” to it, and felt fatigued by the constant crescendos on the drum kits building up to crash out another exploding repetition of the refrain.This expectation of emotional catharsis was what I identified as the “Spirit moving,” or “God’s presence.” How often I would hear the pastor or service leader remark that he or she could feel a special weight in the air, and conclude that there was something hyperspiritual and holy about that moment, as if the fervor of our worship had called down a special dispensation of God’s presence (a concept I have always felt is theologically unhinged, in a word). Stronger emotions both expressed and indicated to others greater spirituality. In church I have fallen on my knees, I have danced, I have jumped up and down with joy, I have fallen on my face and wept loudly.In 1 Kings 19, the prophet Elijah flees for his life from his enemy, Queen Jezebel. He comes to the wilderness and it is here that he hides himself, praying to God that it would be better if he were dead. Evenetually, he sleeps. He is unexpectedly awakened by an angel two separate times, who brings him food and water and insists that he eat. Following this, Elijah goes forth on the strength of those provisions for forty days, where he encounters the living God on Mount Horeb (that is, Mount Sinai). God asks Elijah why he is hiding—Elijah tells Him he is the very last one who remains that is faithful to Him, exceedingly zealous for Yhwh Sabaoth (Yahweh, God of Hosts), and that Jezebel is pursuing him unto death. God tells him to come to the mouth of his cave, and that He will pass before him.The ugly side of this is I equated emotionality with spiritual sensitivity, and even understood it to be the voice of God. I felt my prayers were more heartfelt and even more effective if they were accompanied by agonizing tears of pleading. This is what I perceived to be the Holy Spirit—rushing, overwhelming, crashing over my head like waves. I let myself consequently be carried away by every feeling I had, especially painful ones like loneliness, fear, and self-pity, sometimes even spiritualizing this as a nasty attack from the enemy.First, a hurricane wind blows past Elijah’s face; then a stone-splitting earthquake shakes the mountain; and then, a wildfire rages, roaring past. But Yhwh was not in the wind, nor the earthquake, nor the fire.It has been six years now since I was regularly attending a Pentecostal church; it has been closer to ten years since I attended a Hillsong-esque church with immersive worship services. For almost a full year I have been attending Divine Liturgy in my local Romanian Orthodox church, and as of this month I have been officially Orthodox for six months. My way of life has changed entirely.Orthodoxy perfuses daily life and transforms the quotidian into sacred time; it draws from you and reinforces in you habits that follow the day by day. Your life becomes cycles and circles around sacred time. Morning and evening there are prayers to pray; every day there is another saint to be commemorated or a special event to be observed in the life of Christ, and this is echoed in our bodies through repeating seasons of fasting or the celebration of feasts, according to the liturgical calendar. Worship is done while simply standing still, both face and spirit at rest, comfortable, neutral. There is no impassioned swaying. There is rarely crying, and then never openly. Prayers are repeated and repeated and repeated until they are known by heart. And yet, a change is mysteriously effected, the effects of participation in Orthodox life grow imperceptibly stronger.Whereas before I would be yanked down by the undertow of my emotions, I am instead like the sandy shore whereupon the upwelling waves break, diffuse, and slowly retreat back, leaving only hope and joy. It reminds me of when a little child falls or gets a bit hurt while playing, begins to cry with fear of pain, then suddenly realizes they’re okay. No tears, and back to their playing.Yhwh was not in the wind, nor in the earthquake, nor in the fire. Following all of these, there is a voice as a faint whisper. The ancient Greek translates this using the word aura, like a light morning breeze—and there was Yhwh. And this I only I experienced for the first time following my baptism as Orthodox, after all external distractions had been quieted, and emotions had been calmed and dispersed. It is just as the Bible describes. It is this exceedingly gentle, sweet presence, soft yet ever-present; easily ignored, yet winsome and healing. -
I think I was a teenager when I started critically engaging the hamartiology I had been brought up with. The rhetoric in the 80s and into the 90s from the mouths of televangelists called every disease or disaster a punishment for sin. Someone once said–and I do not care to find out who it was exactly–that the terror attacks of 9/11 were God’s punishment for America’s sins.
But eventually my young inquiring mind perceived that this was not how the world worked–from my own theological understanding and experiences, God did not punish sin, like a tyrannous enforcer of lex talionis–yet we do have to face the consequences of our actions, whether sinful or virtuous. Sin brings suffering, whether delayed or immediate, and whether the effects are felt individually or collectively.
What I was to learn later in Bible college was that I was reacting against Western Christian penal substitution and the Calvinistic teaching of Total Depravity, which had leached into the Pentecostal tradition that I was brought up in via Southern Baptist and Reformed influence. It was here that I started to untangle the myriad influences and theological strains of thought that made up my early life, being brought up at the peak of Evangelical culture in America.
What is an Evangelical?
It wasn’t until very recently that I learned that Evangelicalism in the United States is comprised of three separate traditions: those of the Pentecostals, the Charismatics, and the Southern Baptists. Due to the fiery, black-and-white, polemic style of most Southern Baptist preachers, it was easy for Pentecostals, who faced a dearth of scholarship and quality resources from our own tradition, would accept SBC preachers as authoritative. This meant that clearly non-Pentecostal (often Reformed) theology came in to influence spiritual formation and the worldview.
I grew up as a Pentecostal pastor’s kid, attending an Assemblies of God Bible college from 2010–2012. My entire childhood took place during the golden years of the Christian music industry. While CCM was booming, many lives were being changed and people were being saved through all kinds of outreaches across the country, and Falwell’s Moral Majority was becoming a cultural juggernaut in American political life. I became a teenager at the peak of the purity culture movement, and just after the introduction of the radical new ideas touted by the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
Before the relativism of postmodern thought crept in, before my generation slowly grew up and started leaving their churches (giving us the deconstruction discourse and the exvangelical crowd on Twitter), there was the stable foundation of American Evangelical Christianity, which was and is just as much a cultural movement as it was religious. But what I had been assured was watertight theology and biblical interpretation, and was the truest expression of the early church was in fact not true in the slightest.
Questioning: Theological Beginnings
I did a bachelor’s in the missions program at Bible college, having received a call to missions in Europe aged 17, and there I had my first basic theological education: systematic theology classes; a class on the history of Pentecostalism and theology; hermeneutics; survey courses in Old and New Testament, and a few upper level OT courses.
It was in some of these classes that I continued to question, following the growing realization that I was not on board with a conception of the sin nature in humans being “totally depraved,” and puzzling over the complex and hopelessly confusing multitude of Western atonement theories. Gaps in biblical interpretation were not filled and were instead explicated away, creating what I felt were convoluted thought pretzels to make sense of seemingly incongruous details.
One key example: when I attended the AG General Council meeting in Indianapolis (1999) as a child, another child my age prayed over me in order to receive the gift of tongues, and she prayed in Spanish–but she was not Latina. Although I have been prayed over several times for the gift of tongues, to this day I have still never spoken in tongues. During Bible college, I asked a teacher if the gift of tongues could be given to include the supernatural knowledge of earthly languages, rather than only heavenly languages–he said that this phenomenon was not attested throughout history, or in the Bible. (Bear in mind in Acts 2, each person converted that day hears their own earthly language being spoken in the upper room.) This was just one instance of the spiritual dissonance that was increasing for me as I went through my education.
One of the most beautiful experiences I had, which made me painfully aware of what I was lacking, was when we traveled to a nearby beautiful church to discuss the theology of communion. It was the first time I had been in such a beautiful church, which had stained glass windows. We took communion together in complete silence–no music, no fancy lights–and I was struck to the heart by the beauty of the solemnity and awe with which we approached God that day. It was a shocking contrast to the era of “Jesus is my homeboy” t-shirts and the flippant, overly casual, and outright disrespectful attitude that Pentecostal Christians can sometimes approach God with.
I left Bible college silencing the unanswered questions in the back of my mind, and craving a faith that approached the God of the universe with reverence and solemnity.
Dabbling in Dublin: Catholicism
One of my Bible college professors, during a meeting in which I was seeking pastoral council, recommended I read from the mystic St. John of the Cross and his Dark Night of the Soul, and I rejoiced when I saw that someone else had had the same experiences I had, throughout the course of his walk with Christ. Years later I discovered Doctor of the Catholic Church, Theresa of Ávila, and had the same feeling of meeting a friend who deeply understood me. I learned then the value of reading the works and lives of the saints, and began to crave the depth of tradition and profound, mystical spirituality that I could not find reflected back to me in the Pentecostal church.
The summer before I moved back to Dublin for my master’s, having already served one short-term missionary term with Assemblies of God World Missions from 2014-2015) I happened upon a sermon from Catholic priest, Father Mike Schmitz, speaking about the True Presence in the Eucharist. Pentecostals have ordinances, rather than sacraments, and for Pentecostals the communion elements of grape juice (not wine) and bread are merely symbolic of the body and blood of Jesus Christ.
His thesis centered around one verse, John 6:66, wherein many of the disciples leave Jesus after being told they must eat and drink His body and blood, or else have no part in Him. He simply posed the question: “If communion was only ever meant to be symbolic, and the disciples knew that, then why did they abandon Jesus?” He said that these devout Jews would have had to have been so offended by the idea of consuming real flesh and especially blood, that this could be the only reason why they left Him in their droves. I was convinced immediately.
My master’s was under the Catholic institute in Trinity College Dublin, called the Loyola Institute. Through this time I was deeply exploring Catholic theology in all of my classes, while at the same time attending biweekly Eucharistic adoration meetings in the parish of St. Paul’s of Arran Quay, a vibrant young adult group, and the occasional Mass. I was enthralled by the reverence with which my Catholic friends adored the consecrated host, and loved the silent and solemn atmosphere in these meetings. Up to this point I had hoped to live in Dublin long-term, for decades even, and I did sincerely consider Catholicism as an option for me, especially considering the communities I was a part of.
But there were too many things I found impossible to digest, or even flat-out wrong and unnecessarily harsh in Catholic theology. Papal infallibility struck me as simply the ecclesiastical version of a classic European monarch; the requirement of celibate clergy was clearly the reson for many if not all of the abuses in the Catholic Church; and especially the Scholastic impulse to overanalyze every aspect of the mysteries of the Church exhausted me. I loved the sacramental and liturgical aspect of the Catholic faith, but there was too much that was deemed too definite in a realm that I knew was hardly ever black and white.
Theosis
Within the first month of my master’s, one of my teachers mentioned the Orthodox term theosis–the process of becoming like God. I was immediately intrigued, and made a mental note to come back to the idea when I started the research phase for my dissertation. I was drawn in because my focus in ministry up until that point had been the issue of discipleship, or spiritual formation. I was passionate about the lifelong process of what in the West is known as sanctification; becoming more and more like Christ. I wanted to teach people very practically how to read their Bibles, cultivate a prayer life, and continue to grow in their faith their entire lives.
Just before I started studying Orthodoxy, I met someone from Thessaloniki, who was raised Orthodox and came back to his faith as a teenager in a charismatic community called Metamorphosis. We met at the AG church I was attending in Dublin and became fast friends. God knew I would need someone to walk alongside me throughout the journey, who understood both my charismatic upbringing, but had a firm grasp on the finer points of both Orthodox catechesis as well as the Greek language.
He was the living vector of the Orthodox faith for me, and throughout our friendship in those years, we had countless conversations in which he would explain concepts I was reading about, or correct my thinking with what he had been taught in Greece. I grew in the depth of my relationship with God in a way I never had before. I was coming closer and closer to the Orthodox Church.
That first summer after I met my Greek friend, I wrote my master’s dissertation on fasting and compared Orthodox praxis with the paucity of its practice in the American Evangelical context. Meanwhile I was reading texts like Vladimir Lossky’s The Mystical Theology of the Eastern Church, and learning that all the places where I found impossible tension in Catholic theology, the Orthodox perspective immediately resolved. The seven sacraments are called the seven sacred mysteries, and the Orthodox do not even attempt to outline just how something like “transubstantiation” takes place during communion (this word is a Western Christian word), let alone systematize their theology. Hamartiology bleeds into Christology which is inextricable from soteriology… Orthodox priests can be married. And for the Orthodox, sin is viewed as an illness from which we need healing, rather than an crime that must be punished and corrected.
By 2019, two years after beginning my master’s and a year after meeting my Thessalonian brother, I realized with much trepidation that perhaps God was calling me to become Orthodox. I couldn’t understand it, as it made no sense for my current context. I had no desire to cut myself off from the faith communities I was a part of in Dublin, but I promised God I would do it whenever the time was right. It would be six years before I even remembered making such a promise.
Germany and the Doctorate Years
A year and a half after I moved to Göttingen to do my doctorate, I was sporadically attending a local Evangelisch church, that is, Lutheran. I had tried several churches and was deeply frustrated, and had contented myself with attending services once or twice a month in a tiny church where I was the youngest person by several decades. I would come and listen and leave–and speak to no one, except to say goodbye to the pastor. All done in one hour, I would trudge back home. I was depressed and had fairly resigned myself to the fact that this is how my faith was going to die; that at last after so many rounds of theological education, I would become a classic case of an exvangelical academic.
By this point I was still interested in Orthodoxy, and had even bought myself a small komboskini bracelet (black prayer rope) to try and revive my prayer life again. But I had forgotten the promise I made to God, forgotten that I had even wanted to be Orthodox. Yet through a series of events, made friends with two Ukrainian housemates who attended the local Romanian Orthodox church here, and by early March 2025 I was a catechumen, and was baptized then four months later, on July 6th. Finally home!
In part two I will do a little comparison and reflection on my spiritual life now, and look back at Evangelicalism from newly-Orthodox eyes.
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Preface
Two weeks after my baptism as Orthodox, I made a new (Orthodox) friend from Bucharest who had just finished a bachelor’s in patristics. While we were discussing my research, he asked me the most probing question I have ever fielded: “How is what you’re learning going to harmonize with what the Fathers say about Scripture?” I had been feeling a little trepidatious, wondering how critical biblical scholarship could or would interact with patristic literature (or patrology, as the Greeks call it), concerned that the two would clash terrifically. I was, however, encouraged by a Greek Orthodox friend that in such cases these two don’t necessarily contradict one another. This post is me venturing forth one little step to show just that!
Introduction
In my 2024 Greek class, I had the privilege of translating some of Plato from the original ancient Greek. It was strenuous work (nothing like the Greek Old Testament), but so richly rewarding. One of the texts we translated was from Plato’s Symposium about the origins of eros, telling the tale of what in German are called the Kugelmenschen, or Sphere People (189c-193d).
In it, the comic playwright Aristophanes is portrayed as the teller of the tale, insisting that humans should honor Eros as the “most philanthropic” of gods. He says Eros has blessed humans with what he calls a healing power, explaining it this way:
Humans, he says, are originally globular creatures, two beings in one, back to back—they come in male, female, and androgyne types. Because they grow too powerful this way, Zeus slices them in half as punishment. These new half-beings keep dying of hunger while hopelessly yearning for their other half, so Zeus mercifully rearranges their bodies so that they can finally unite sexually, and reproduce. Nonetheless, this forces humans henceforth to spend the rest of their lives scrambling around in search of their other half. Thus, he narrates, we humans are innately driven by the force of erotic love, seeking to heal and restore the primal unity of humankind’s original nature.
It may come as a surprise, but there is a striking resonance between this tale and the creation accounts of humanity in Genesis 1 and 2. We can see this not only in the text itself, but in later rabbinical interpretations—and, I will argue, there is a residue of this in patristic literature.
The Creation of Humankind
The creation of humankind can be found in Genesis 1:26-27, as well as in Genesis 2:18-24. We will see in the Hebrew that there is a third, gender-neutral term referring to humanity in general that is used throughout both creation accounts. Below I have modified the NRSV translation for the sake of utmost preciseness, and so that you can get a feel for how the Hebrew reads.
Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; …So God created humankind in his image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.—Genesis 1:26a-27
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the human should be alone; I will make it a helper as their partner.” …The human gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field; but for the human there was not found a helper as their partner. …And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the human he made into a woman and brought her to the human. Then the human said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one shall be called Woman,
for out of Man this one was taken.”Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.
—Genesis 2:18, 20, 22-24
The key Hebrew term I have translated alternately as human/kind is simply the term adam, which has become a common male name. The word adam is a play on words, coming from the word for soil or earth, adamah. In order to preserve this pun we might translate adam as “earthling” instead. In fact, this pun is preserved in the English word “human,” since the word derives from the Latin humus, meaning the same as the Hebrew adamah. Essentially we see that gender did not exist until God “split” the human, called Adam, by taking the rib and creating Eve. Perhaps we could say that Adam only recognized his otherness as man (Hebrew ish) when he saw the woman Eve in her otherness (Hebrew isshah) and burst forth into poetry—the first poem in the biblical canon!
And in what could be considered an etiology (origin story), Genesis 2:24 gives reason for why humans unite as “one flesh” in marriage. Adam was one who was made two, who recognizes his other half and yearns to be made one with her—again. Does this sound familiar?
Rabbinic sources would support this interpretation of an original androgyne, too. Jeremiah ben Eleazar says, “Adam was created as androgynous.” (Bereshit Rabbah 8:1) Samuel ben Nahman also says, “when God created the first human, he gave him two faces, connected back to back.” The two genders are then separated so they can face one another and “relieve their loneliness.” (Reisenberger, Azila Talit. “The Creation of Adam as a Hermaphrodite—and its implications for Feminist Theology.” Judaism, 2001, 42:4, p 450.)
Patristic Support
Turning now to the Church Fathers, we see the same idea of a double being in the first human, and the human’s division. Gregory of Nyssa (4th century), in De Opificio Hominis (On the Making of Mankind) argues that the imago Dei is intended to image the archetype for all humanity: Jesus Christ. In reference to Genesis 1, he quotes Paul from Galatians 3:28 “there is neither male nor female,” saying that this verse “declares that man is thus divided,” that is, according to gender. He continues:
“Thus the creation of our nature is in a sense twofold/double: one made like to God, one divided according to this distinction: for something like this the passage darkly conveys by its arrangement, where it first says, ‘God created man, in the image of God created He him,’ and then, adding to what has been said, ‘male and female created He them,’—a thing which is alien from our conceptions of God.” (De Op. Hom., XVI 181).
Human nature is both single and dual, as Ephrem the Syrian (4th century) tells us. Regarding the account from Genesis 2, Ephrem reinforces the notion of an original twofold human: “God then took [Eve] and brought her to Adam who was both one and two: he was one because he was Adam, he was two because he was created male and female.” (Commentary on Genesis, II.12)
Concerning the Genesis 1 account, he emphasizes the wholeness of Eve, which does diverge some from Plato’s myth. Ephrem states that Eve was in Adam’s flesh, as well as in soul and spirit with Adam, “for God added nothing to that rib which he took out except the structure and the adornment.” (Commentary, I.29.2) “Everything,” he says, “that was suitable for Eve, who came to be from the rib, was complete from the rib alone.” Therefore we maybe would do better to view Adam and Eve indeed as two who were cleft apart from each other, but beings who were always integral and perfect in themselves. This is in contrast to the macabre tale of the Kugelmensch, who have deformed scars following their slicing in half. These scars Zeus directs Apollo to sew up, and so this strangely deformed flesh Apollo tucks into what becomes the human belly button. The Genesis 2 account gives us a beautiful image of God fashioning a flawless creation with His hands, neither Adam nor Eve lacking in form.
Conclusion: La Media Naranja
In Spanish the idiom for one’s other half is media naranja, or half-orange. Quite fitting, all things considered. And I would venture to say that the idea of your significant other being your “other half” comes directly from Plato’s myth, if not simply from the common human experience of our innate condition. Eusebius (4th century), funnily enough, accuses Plato of badly plagiarizing Moses (Praep. Ev. XII, 12:67), begrudging, “It is obvious he is not ignorant of the story,” (my translation) although he insists that that Plato does not understand the original sense or intention of the Genesis accounts.
So what is my point in drawing these parallels? My aim is not to hypothesize about the significance the adam‘s gender, or lack thereof. I also make no statements about a direction of dependence or the dating of either of these texts, even though my doctoral supervisor relishes finding Hellenistic influences in the Hebrew Bible. No, there must be something deeper in meaning, which goes beyond this kind of philological hair-splitting.
If we speak of erotic love in terms of searching for or treasuring our other half; if Scripture itself tells us that the original human was a dyadic being, containing both male and female; if generations of religious interpreters, both Jewish and Christian, have found profundity in this reality, what does that then tell us?
Modern individualistic society, like the American culture I come from, harps on about being self-sufficient, it prizes the individual. Current popular feminism would tell me, as the mother in the 2003 movie Freaky Friday says, “Remember, you are a smart, strong, beautiful, independent woman and you do not need a man to complete you.” Even wider Evangelical culture would emphasize the same ideas; usually it is married couples “exhorting” their single friends that they are indeed made whole in Christ, or some such. Regardless of whatever discourse we tune into: does it matter if an outside source tells me that I am complete, if my own understanding of my soul’s estate and my circumstance in life would say otherwise?
Ask the most fulfilled single person you know, who is also looking for their someone if they feel complete. Ask the newly married couple, trying for children and who have suffered a miscarriage if they feel complete. Ask the transplant from one country to another, when they are severed from their support system if they feel complete. God Himself said when He saw the earthling Adam, who was two in one, that it was expressly “not good for the human to be alone.” (Gen 2:18) And although this story of creation of humanity would seem to center around marriage or romantic love, what it carves out in the clearest block letters is a a stark statement on the inherently incomplete nature of humanity—made even worse after the Fall.
In spite of our cultural, theological, or ideological upbringings, we are all lacking. Any hard-won sense of fulfillment in any arena of our lives quickly fades or sours, and we are left with the gnawing sensation that we are incomplete. What is clear to us both in our souls and in Scripture is this—we need each other. We need communities built on mutual flourishing. I would personally declare that this can only be found when we are collectively striving toward some transcendental purpose. This is the True North, and this is the way to leave a legacy that lasts beyond our lifetimes.
And on that note, I’d like to thank—in alphabetical order—my conversation partners and inspiration for this topic: Doru, Georgios, Irini, Panayiota, Panteleimon. It takes a village to raise a child—or a baby Orthodox! Ευχαριστώ and mulțumesc!