Lately I have found myself faced with the same problem, and it’s my own fault.

For the years that I was in Moses Lake, I had no social life, and that was rough. So now that I am here in Ireland, surrounded by so many friends and so many opportunities to hang out, I keep trying to forget the fact that I am an introvert and I don’t function well if I don’t get enough alone time. It’s kind of funny, and it’s a good problem to have, but I’m rediscovering for myself the importance of retreat from the world.

But what made me a little bit sad recently was when I realized that I had been forsaking my friendship with Jesus. I was reading my Bible in the mornings, thinking that was sufficient. But I was forgetting to pray, and I don’t mean asking Him to take care of my prayer requests, but simply being in His presence. This is the essence of what prayer is.

In Matthew 6:6 Jesus instructs then us how to truly pray:

But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you.

This verse, of course, gives us the idea of a “prayer closet,” and certainly a private and quiet place is important for the spiritual life. But what if Jesus wasn’t telling us literally to go pray in our bedrooms and close the door behind us? Perhaps He is talking about a different kind of room, a Home that has nothing to do with where we are, physically.

As you can see in the photo above, Israelite houses essentially had one space: for cooking, sleeping, working–everything. So it wouldn’t be possible to find the kind of privacy in an Israelite house which we can easily find in our own homes.

So what did Jesus mean when He told the Israelites that they were were to go into their rooms and shut the door? We should remember that Jesus’ words always have a deeper meaning.

When Catherine of Siena was told by her parents that she could no longer lock herself in her bedroom all day to pray, she eventually learned that she could still retreat, not into her room, but into the secret inner room of the heart. 

This is what Jesus was referring to.

In the year I was in the US, before I moved here, I was so uncertain whether I would make it back here or not, and Jesus was the only certainty I could cling to, so in that season I would spend hours on the couch, soaking in His presence. I didn’t realize that I was cultivating a Home to dwell in.

When I came back to Ireland for a visit in early 2017, and I had a strange feeling of detachment from the place. I had previously thought that being in Ireland would finally  make me feel content and at home, because surely, fulfillment comes from doing what God called you to do? But in actuality, in all my quiet times with Jesus, I had discovered that my Home is where the Spirit is.

Our Home is our relationship with Him.

I have been so homesick and lonely lately, it’s awful. But when I curl up on the couch at the end of the day to pray, I have been so grateful to have the constant friendship of Jesus to keep me company, when my friends are asleep in their own beds and my family is so far away.

It is so important for us to cultivate this inner Home in our hearts, where we can dwell with Jesus. When we retreat and spend time with Jesus, we close the door to the outside world: to distractions, to worries, to busyness, even to good things like friends or family.

Life is crazy, and the only constant for us is change, but we have a God who’s name means “I am.” He IS. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and He is our Home. So in this season that can be extra difficult, extra lonely, extra homesick or extra stressful, don’t forget to go Home. He is there, waiting for you. Light the candle of your heart, and don’t let the flame go out.